He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize