and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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