you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
