1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
