There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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