I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
