Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
