Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize