Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
