Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
