sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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