Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
