then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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