i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize