Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
