Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
