white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
