when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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