sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
