the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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