I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
