Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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