haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
