Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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