Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
