my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
