this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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