I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
