Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
