would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
