So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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