How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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