yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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