I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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