I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
