This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize