I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
