And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
