I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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