break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
