Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
