I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
