I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize