Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
