Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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