On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
