So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize