someone owes me an orgasm
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
