GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize