Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize