ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
