I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
