Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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