sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
