you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
