im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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