break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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