You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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