I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
