i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so let's talk penis.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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