Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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