Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize