She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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