I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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