I wish I could teleport
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize