just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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