She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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