It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
