If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
