Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
