Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
