Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
