Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
