My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
