there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
