Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
