What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
