arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
