yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize