And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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