The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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