After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
