Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Randomize
