as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
