Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize