Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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