nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
