drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
