Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
