Just fell off a train. Bad.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
