Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
