I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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