thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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