Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my being single is dangerous.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
